Transphobic Parents and the Missing Missing Reasons
An inside look into Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Trans
Note: for this piece I try to use pronouns I think the subjects have, however because the PITT blog is full of unreliable narrators, it’s hard to discern. I apologize if I misgendered someone here.
Whenever there is talk of someone transitioning, especially a child, parents are always discussed. Whether they are demonized for accepting their kids or painted as victims of the “transgender craze”, they take center stage in the discussion of trans rights. But what do they actually think? What do they actually feel? What do they say behind closed doors? I set to find out. I In short, their claims about being dutiful parents fall flat when their full commentary is revealed. The exact same narcissistic parents of whom children on Reddit complain about are one in the same as these transphobic parents. And most of the writing surrounding narcissistic parents can easily be applied here as well.
Parents of Inconvenient Truths about Trans or PITT (not to be confused with the parents of the University of Pittsburgh) is a substack blog and twitter account aimed at chronicling and discussing what parents go through when their child transitions. It is home to some of the most insane screeds on the internet. For instance, this is a father’s opinion on why Minecraft made their kids trans:
Notice how the author of this article frames choice as something dangerous and malignant. It’s as if he’s saying that because his daughter had the freedom to choose earlier in life, she chose to abandon him later. This is a huge theme throughout these essays and belies a truth about these transphobic parents: to them, having children is about control. Freedom is anathema to their brand of child rearing.
‘It’s about control’ is a common refrain seen in a lot of communities about narcissistic parents online. In a deep dive on sister communities to transphobic parents blogs, the estranged parents forums, Issendai.com describes a phenomenon known as the “Missing missing reasons”. They explain, “Members of estranged parents' forums often say their children never gave them any reason for the estrangement, then turn around and reveal that their children did tell them why. But the reasons their children give—the infamous missing reasons—are missing.” This phenomenon is also rampant on the PITT substack. For example, this passage:
Later on this same author finds a note on their child’s bed explaining everything, however, you can see that the reasons listed in that note are not fully elucidated:
Yet this idea of having “no inclination” their child was trans are even refuted by the author the next paragraph:
In these posts, parents try to make themselves look as blameless and innocent as possible, while their kids are simply “corrupted” by a cult. It’s why the “missing missing reasons” are, well, missing. But by reading between the lines, one can find that they are not the model parents they claim to be. The previous article showed how two parents were about to drive hours to contact their child after he said he’d consider a restraining order if they did. Not respecting a child’s right to privacy or their reasonable grievances does make you a bad parent. In this case the grievances are not unreasonable, simply a new name and pronouns. Yet, oftentimes on the PITT blog, what a good and bad parent does is flipped. Good parents command their kids to obey them and use the name they gave them. Bad parents let their kids be themselves. When put into specifics, the supposed upstanding moral superiority of transphobic parents crumbles. Hence why specifics are avoided. These parents are unreliable narrators.
There is an intense hatred and disgust throughout the posts on this blog. These parents talk about their kids in some extremely eyebrow-raising ways. Worse yet, it’s delivered in free-verse slam poetry:
This is the type of “love” showcased by transphobic parents. It’s love for an idea of someone, not true love. It’s a judgemental conditional type of love that is purely transactional. That is how many of these parents see kids though; as commodities to invest in for a return. Often that return is either their kid being exactly who they want them to be, but it can also be in the form of grandkids. Take this paragraph from another post, for instance:
This is yet another similarity between the estranged parent communities and the PITT blog: entitlement to grandkids. It’s why there is such a focus on fertility in trans debates; a lot of these people feel a child’s duty to their parents is to provide them with grandkids. They feel it is their right to see their grandkids no matter what. And when they’re denied that, they get pissy.
Entitlement would be the one word I would use to describe the parents of this blog as a whole. They disrespect and demean their kids yet still expect to be able to have a relationship with them. They blame ‘trans ideology’ for destroying their relationship with their children, when the only thing that did so was their own actions. They don’t want to own up to their own actions, that would require growth and introspection. They can’t admit they did anything wrong, and so they blame “wokeness” or “trans ideology” for their personal failures as parents. So whenever the “parents just concerned for their kids” talking point next comes up in an argument, remember these are the people transphobes call good and loving parents.
Two words : Cass Review
https://www.wsj.com/articles/most-transgender-kids-turn-out-to-be-gay-gender-affirming-care-conversion-therapy-58111b2e?st=nswle6qyern01yy&reflink=article_copyURL_share